


The Wind is Howling Like This Raging Storm Inside

by KelliDiane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, So much death, cancer fic, tw: cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My doctor told me I have two weeks left- if that.” Josh says, voice barely above a whisper. He doesn’t want to bring the mood down, but he needs them to know. They’re his family.</p>
<p>The group looks to him, all with sympathetic smiles on their faces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wind is Howling Like This Raging Storm Inside

“So I have a patient and he knows he’s not going to make it. He’s talked about quitting chemo, but I don’t think I could handle watching him die knowing that there was more that I could have done.” Harry says with a swipe through his bangs. He looks around the support group and smiles at all the familiar faces.

“Just to be clear, we’re talking about Niall, right?” Josh says from his chair. “Have you just told him how you feel yet? It’s pretty obvious you like him.”

“Yeah. Just go for it.” Ashton says from Luke’s arms.

The doctor sighs. “I can’t. He’s just a patient like everyone else.”

It’s quiet for a moment as everyone is left with their thoughts.

“My doctor told me I have two weeks left- if that.” Josh says, voice barely above a whisper. He doesn’t want to bring the mood down, but he needs them to know. They’re his family.

The group looks to him, all with sympathetic smiles on their faces.

“Are you ready then?” Liam, the leader of the support group and a man who lost his newly wedded wife to cancer.

“Is anyone ever really ready?” Josh fires back. He takes a deep breath. “I guess I am. I’ve known for awhile that modern medicine wasn’t working.”

“I think we should end this meeting in a small prayer for Josh.”

\------------

Louis is dozing off, but he soon becomes quiet alert. They were going the wrong way. “Babe, you have to double back. You’ve already missed the gym.”

Zayn ignores him, turning up the radio. He keeps driving the same way.

“Zayn,” Louis says a bit testily. “Come on. I’m going to be late. I already brought a change of clothes if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Zayn turns up the radio a little louder, parking the car in the driveway and stashing the keys onto his pocket to prevent Louis from trying to take the car anywhere.

Louis narrows his eyes and slowly gets out of the car before heading over to his boyfriend. “Zayn Malik, you give me those keys right this instant.”

“Hey isn’t the footie game on today? What is it, Derby versus West Bromley? Or is it Chelsea?” Zayn unlocks the front door holding it open for his boyfriend.

Anger brims in Louis’ stomach. “Don’t change the subject. I’m fine and I plan on having a normal Saturday, so give me the keys.”

“No. You just had chemo, get some rest. Plan your trip to the gym for some other time.” Zayn slams the door behind Louis, heading upstairs to the bedroom.

“Zayn Malik, you better give me those keys or so help me God…” He trails off as the anger in his stomach bubbles higher, until-

“Shit.” He runs down the hall, making it to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

Zayn follows quickly behind, rubbing his palm between Louis’ shoulder blades while he heaved. “Are you alright?”

Louis doesn’t answer, too preoccupied with getting everything out of his system It’s a good five minutes until his stomach settles once again. He leans back, tears clinging to the corners of his eyes. He’s taking deep, shuddering breaths. “Maybe the gym wasn’t the best ideas I’ve ever had.”

“Why don’t we go back to bed and have a lazy day? I think it would be for the best.” Zayn’s just glad Louis is seeing reason.

Louis nods. “Just for a bit I have some stuff I have to get done today. Projects to finalise and everything.” He stays there on the floor for another minute before getting unsteadily to his feet. “We might want to get a bucket or something. I don’t think that’s all of it.”

“Why don’t we sleep for a few hours first? Please, can you do that for me?” Zayn cups Louis’ cheeks so that they’re looking at one another.

The brunet nods slowly. “Yeah, that sounds… Yeah.” He leans against his boyfriend, utterly drained. “Can I brush my teeth first? I can’t stand the taste of bile.”

“Of course. I’ll go wait in our bedroom.” Zayn heads back, beginning to strip down to his underwear.

Louis is slow to follow, heading to their master bathroom and brushing his teeth. He stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t look any different, but he feels different. And he’s not sure he likes it. He strips down to his boxers before heading back to their bedroom and crawling into bed. “I hope this isn’t a new routine. I have work to get done.”

“He said it’ll make you feel nauseous.” Zayn embraces Louis in his arms, kissing his neck.

“I can work through nausea. Especially on the weekends when I’m working from home. Monday might be difficult, but I’m sure I can power through.” Louis mumbles as he sinks into the warmth of the boyfriend.

“We’ll get you anti- nausea medicine at the very least.” Zayn rubs his back lightly.

“Okay… I’m going to sleep now.” Louis says with a yawn. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Zayn whispers.

\------------

“Louis?” Eleanor calls knocking on the door to his office, sticking her head inside.

Louis drags his head up from his desk. He feels like death warmed over. He can’t believe he managed to talk Zayn into letting him come to work. “Yes, Miss Calder?”

“We need you to look over the Smith’s Insurance policy.” She drops the file on the corner of his desk, heading out.

“Thank you, Eleanor.” He manages to rasp out. He feels his stomach churn. “Can you please get me some Yorkshire Tea? One sugar and half a cup of cream.”

“Of course, just make sure that file is done by lunch. We really need it.” And with that she leaves.

“Bloody assistant trying to tell me how to do my job.” He mutters as he opens the file. His vision swims and he can feel his stomach jumping inside him. “Shit, shit, shit, shit.” He grabs the trash can from under his desk and heaves into the plastic container.

Eleanor comes back, nose wrinkling at the smell that immediately hit her. “Oh my god. What is that?”

Louis groans as he tugs the plastic bag up, pulling it from the trash can. “Eleanor, have the custodian replace my trash bag and have them leave a roll of replacement bags on my desk. I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, alright.” Eleanor cringes, leaving the office quickly.

Louis heads back towards his office, stopping at his assistant’s desk. “Eleanor, may I speak to with you privately please?”

She nods, standing up waiting until they’re back in his office. “What is it?”

“I need you to not tell anyone what is going on. I’m confiding in you because you are my assistant.” He huffs as a wave of fatigue hits him hard. “I have bone cancer and I’ve started chemo. I’m going to have a lot of days like this, so I apologise in advance.”

Eleanor takes the folder off his desk. “I can ask someone else to do this file if it’s a problem for you.”

“Eleanor…” Louis grabs her wrist softly. “I’m telling you because things are going to get really difficult around here.”

“I figured. We’ll hold down the fort, Louis. You can trust us.” She smiles at him.

He smiles weakly. “I know, Eleanor. I’d trust you with the whole company if I could.” He looks at the file in her hands “I can take care of that file. It’ll probably take me a few hours longer than normal.”

“That’s alright. You take all the time you need.” Eleanor kisses his cheek heading off.

\------------

Louis gets the reports done just in time. He gathers everything he needs for his meeting and heads out his office. “Eleanor, grab your blazer. You’re sitting in on the meeting.”

Eleanor nods, shrugging her coat on. She offers a smiles following close behind.

He holds the door to the conference room open for her and pulls a chair towards the wall from there. “Sit here and stay quiet. I want you to observe how these bastards work.”

“Alright, Louis. Whatever you say.” She smooths out her skirt, taking a seat.

The upper hierarchy starts to file in and take their seats. “Louis. Do you have the Smith’s insurance policy report done? That’s what this while meeting is about.”

Louis nods. He’s still not feeling his best. Actually, he hasn’t felt any better since this morning. “Uh, yeah. I, um, I think there’s fraudulent claims on the account.”

Eleanor listens along so far it seems to be running fairly smoothly.

Louis’ going down the list of points that make up the fraudulent claims when he starts to feel lightheaded. “And, um… Then he, uh…” His eyes flutter a few times as the room begins to spin.

Eleanor leans close, squeezing his shoulder. “Forgive him, he hasn’t been feeling that well lately.”

“Tomlinson?” One of the head bosses barks. “Tomlinson?”

Louis seems to be able to focus on nothing. His breathing increases and his eyes roll into the back of his head as he drops to the conference room floor.

“Louis!” Eleanor is next to him in seconds shaking and trying to call his name repeatedly, but he won’t answer.

\------------

Niall waves to the receptionist behind her desk recognising him. His hands are in his pockets as he heads back, smiling to himself, until he’s at Harry’s door. Quietly he knocks holding his breath.

Harry opens it, agitated and done with the day, but his smile becomes genuine when he sees Niall standing there. “Hey. Come on in.”

“You alright? You looked upset.” Niall takes a seat in one of the chairs in front of him.

“New patient. Doesn’t listen to a damn word I say and nearly gets himself killed.” Harry says as he slides in the chair next to Niall’s.

“I’m sorry.” Niall kisses Harry’s cheek beaming at him. “Hopefully I can help make you feel better.”

“That depends,” Harry says with a predatory glint in his eye. “Do I need to perform a physical?”

Niall smiles nudging his nose against Harry’s jaw. “Hm, I don’t know. Would that make you feel better?”

Harry hums and kisses at Niall’s jaw. “I think it’ll definitely help relieve my tension.”

“Well then I’m at your service.” Niall whispers kissing Harry on the lips.

Harry pulls Niall up from his chair and into his lap. “I should probably check inside your pants first.”

“Oh really? Well why don’t you then?” Niall smirks eyes flickering down to his zipper.

Harry licks his lips before leaning in and pressing his lips to Niall’s own. His hand travels down to palm at the blond’s erection. “What do you want, babe?”

Niall moans. “You’re the doctor. Aren’t you the one that’s supposed to tell me what I need?”

“You’ve never been a great listener when it comes to what you need.” Harry says as he manages to get the button on the blond’s jeans undone.

Niall pouts, crossing his arms. “There are certain times when I know what’s best for me.”

Harry hums. “Of course you do. Right now though, I think we both know what you need.” He dips his hand beneath the waistband of the boy’s boxers.

Niall’s breath hitches watching Harry’s hand disappear, feeling the latex glove on his dick. “Oh shit.”

“Mister Horan, you should relax. This physical is therapeutic, I promise.” The doctor wraps a hand around the throbbing length in his hands.

“Therapeutic my ass. I’m not going to be calm.” Niall murmurs closing his eyes.

Harry chuckles and kisses at his patient’s neck. He tugs languidly on the male’s length and makes sure to swipe his thumb across the slit on every down stroke. “What do you want from me? Tell me, Niall.”

Niall bucks up into his hand. “I want to suck you off. Can I do that?”

“Shit. God, yes.” He tightens his grip and tugs a bit faster on the blond, wanting to get Niall to the pleasure he certainly deserves.

Niall growls bucking up. “Fucking do something then. Let me take you in my mouth.”

Harry laughs out a breath heavily. “After, love. You come first. You always come first.” He says as he finally just throws himself into it and tried to bring the blond to the edge.

Niall pants, eyes closed. Finally he does come, hot and white in his hand.

Harry groans at the sight and kisses Niall roughly. “I think you enjoy playing doctor.” He takes the gloves off, trapping the release and tosses it in the trash can.

Niall climbs off of Harry, sitting in between his legs instead. “I think the doctor should be rewarded, don’t you?”

Harry shrugs. “I mean, I get paid for stuff like this. You sure I deserve it?”

“I think that you are very deserving. Considering I don’t do chemo anymore I technically am no longer your patient.” The blond runs his hand from Harry’s knees up to his thighs.

Harry’s breath hitches as the boy’s hands near where he really needs his touch. “True. You’re not my patient. Maybe you can talk some sense into this bullheaded patient of mine.”

“And say what? I’m not doing chemo, but you should? Hypocritical.” He buttons, unzips, and undoes the belt buckle until everything is out of the way.

“Tell him to listen to his doctor.” Harry says breathlessly as he cants his hips up.

“But I didn’t listen to you.” Niall says tugging Harry’s boxers and pants down below his ass.

Harry groans. “So lie. Tell him not to do back to back chemo.” He runs his fingers through the little bit of blond that the boy has.

“Okay, okay.” Niall chuckles kissing lightly at the base of Harry’s dick.

The brunet shivers and lets his head fall back against the chair. “I don’t want to rush this or anything, but I have to make my rounds soon, babe.”

Nial raises an eyebrow. “You just want me to suck you off that’s all. Maybe I shouldn’t.”

“That’s all I have time for. I get off around five. We can go for dinner afterwards.” Harry looks down at Niall. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Niall answers Harry by taking the tip into his mouth, licking at the clear precum slowly dribbling out.

Harry shudders at the simple touch. “That a yes to dinner or do you want your fill right now?”

Niall pulls away. “I’d like some dinner too. You know considering I’m blowing you.”

“Whatever you want.” Harry smiles down at Niall.

Before anything can happen though, there’s a knock on Harry’s door. “Doctor Styles, you have a patient that’s waking up and needs to be seen.”

Niall licks a long stripe up the underside of Harry’s dick, standing up right after. “I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yeah.” Harry huffs and stands to tuck himself back into his jeans. ”Meet you here at five?” He heads towards the door and opens, gesturing for the make to exit.

“Yeah, five sounds great. Bring the lube.” Niall wants to embarrass Harry in front of his coworkers.

“Guess I get to claim that ass.” Harry says with a smile grin. He’s not going to let Niall get him flustered. “Now go unless you want to meet the worst patient. Not even you were as bad as him.”

Niall laughs shaking his bum a little before leaving.

\------------

Zayn smiles sadly running his fingers through Louis’ thick hair. “Hey, babe. I know you can’t hear me, but you did great.”

It’s quiet in the hospital room except for Zayn’s voice and the beeping of the machines. Louis lays there, still as the grave.

The nurse had come in about an hour ago to ween the businessman off the drugs to wake him up. He stirs a bit, frowning. “Zayn?” He starts to open his eyes, but groans at the pain that shoots through his eyes at the bright light.

“Hey, babe.” Zayn leans down kissing each of Louis’ closed eyeslids.

“What happened? Did the CEO close the Smith account?” Louis asks as he puts a hand over his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re alright. They just want you to get better.” Zayn had been so fucking scared when he got the call.

Louis frowns. “What happened? I remember going through some of my presentation, but I don’t…” He rubs gently at his eyes before opening them slowly. “How did I get here?”

“From what I know you passed out. Your eyes rolled back into your head… You scared the shit out of everyone.” Zayn sighs.

“I’m sorry.” Louis says quietly. He doesn’t like to worry people. “Did you get your art show done? I know you had that today.”

“Never mind a silly show I’m just glad you’re okay.” And he really is.

“Silly show? Zayn, you’ve been working on your pieces for months!” Louis says with slight irritation. “You went to that show, right?”

Zayn shrugs his shoulders flippantly. “It’s art, it’s not like it actually matters.”

“Zayn Javaad Malik, you worked too hard to let your art go to waste.” Louis sighs. “You should be there right now.”

“Yeah and what if you were dying… Well, right now. How am I supposed to live with myself?” Zayn doesn’t think he could.

Louis looks over at this boyfriend with a tight lipped smile. “Because you being here doesn’t make me happy. You being at your art show, living your dream, makes me happy. Babe, I want you to do what love and not worry about me.”

“What if I love you though? I’d rather have you happy and healthy than be in here.” Zayn means it too.

“I love you.” Louis says as tries to push himself up so he can reach Zayn’s lips with his own. He winces at the pain in his stomach. “I can’t reach you.”

Zayn meets him the rest of the way, caressing his jaw while he does it. “I love you more.”

Harry knocks on the door and heads into the room. “Mister Tomlinson, nice to see you again. Wasn’t expecting you till Saturday.”

Louis pulls back and looks over to his oncologist. “Can we hurry this up, please? I have an art show to go to”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Ignore him. He fainted in the middle of a meeting and I want to make sure he’s healthy… Well as healthy as he can be.”

“I don’t want to tell you I told you so, Mister Tomlison, but I told you so.” Harry shrugs as he looks over Louis’ chart. “Your body is extremely weak. It didn’t have enough of a break to recover from chemo.”

“I didn’t eat, that’s all. Low blood sugar, nothing else.” Louis says dismissively. He just wants to get to his boyfriend’s art show.

Zayn is suddenly furious. “Stop making fucking excuses! You’re ill, Louis! Accept that!”

Louis grows silent. Zayn had never yelled at him like this before.

“Mister Tomlinson, I’m going advise you to reschedule your chemo sessions. Three a week, every other day.” Harry says making a note on the male’s papers. “I need to keep you here for at least another twenty four hours- possibly longer.”

Zayn looks at Louis. “This is your health, Louis. Nothing is more important and don’t argue.”

“I have to work. I can’t afford to be in here.” Louis mumbles under his breath. “Can we please just get this new schedule settled?”

Harry nods. “Chemo on Saturday and rest on Sunday. Chemo on Monday and rest on Tuesday. Chemo on Wednesday and rest on Thursday. I would suggest working from home for a little while.” He looks over to Zayn hoping he’d help back him up.

Zayn nods. “And I’ve applied for a bunch of jobs to start helping out more.”

“Out of the question. I need to be in the office and Zayn doesn’t need to work.” Louis says crossing his arms. He can’t work from home.

“Louis, shut up this isn’t your decision. I’m getting a job and you can’t really stop me.”

Harry nods. “Now, I know you said you haven’t eaten anything so I’ll have a meal sent up for you.” He looks over to the darker male, “do you want me to have a meal sent to you or will you go get something?”

“I’m not hungry.” Zayn mutters trying not to glare at Louis.

“Settle in, Mister Tomlinson. You might be here for a while.” Harry says as he heads out of the room.

Louis says nothing, glaring at his hospital bed. “I’m not working from home. I need to be in that office.”

“If you go back to that office… You can go home to an empty house.” Zayn doesn’t want it to come to that, but it might have to.

“Zayn…” Louis sighs. “You’d really throw away two years because I want to go to work?”

“No, but you need to be healthy. I’m putting my foot down. Me or your job.” Zayn sighs.

Louis looks at Zayn, horror stricken. “You know I’ll pick you day, but, babe, I can’t work from home. I have meetings nearly every day.”

“Then you aren’t picking me.” Zayn snaps standing up and snatching his jacket off the counter.

“Zayn! Stop!” The brunet calls after him. “I need you, you know that. Please don’t leave.”

“Then work from home. You have fucking cancer they’ll understand.” Zayn hates how stubborn Louis is.

Louis looks at the sheets. “Fine. I’ll work from home. They won’t understand, but I’m not losing you.”

Zayn sits back down kissing Louis. “They will. You just don’t have faith in people.”

“I have faith in you.” Louis says softly, brushing his nose against Zayn’s. “Does this mean I can’t chemo on Saturday, Sunday, Monday anymore?”

“No! Look what happened to you. I don’t want a repeat of that.” He kisses Louis’ temple.

Louis huffs and scoots over as best he can. “We’ll talk about that later. Just get up here and cuddle me. I need you close.”

Zayn snuggles into Louis, being careful not to hurt him.

\------------

Harry heads back to his office looking forward to a night with Niall. He needs a night to just unwind, a night with no emergency calls.

Niall is leaning against the wall of the hospital playing some stupid game on his phone.

“Hey, you.” Harry says with a smile as he exits the building. He heads over and presses his lips to Niall’s with a little bit of pressure, but not enough to initiate anything.

Niall tilts his head back. “Hey to you too. No dessert until after dinner, babe.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Harry laces their fingers together and pulls them away from the building and over to his car. “What do you want for dinner? Mexican? Italian?”

“How about Thai? They opened his new restaurant and I’d like to try it before I die.” Niall chuckles sliding into the passenger seat.

Harry tenses at the way Niall so flippantly brings up his own death. He shakes it off though. “Thai it is. Direct me?”

“It’s off of First and Ninth.” Niall leans forward messing with the radio until he stops on his favourite song, turning it up- The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll.

Harry heads towards the restaurant. “So what do you do for a living? What did you always want to be?”

“I love music. I’m not sure what I wanted to do. I kinda just sang where I could.” Niall shrugs, humming to the song.

“I would listen to you sing any day.” Harry says softly. He doesn’t want to think about Niall not making it.

Niall laughs and opens his mouth. “And you who philosophise disgrace and criticise all fears, take the rag away from your face, now ain’t the time for you tears.”

“You’re amazing.” Harry says with a smile. It’s great to hear Niall so happy and free, even if the song is depressing.

Niall laughs a little. “I’m alright. All those times in the showers and in front of the mirror helped though.”

Harry pulls into the parking lot and turns the engine off. “I’m serious, you’re really good.”

Niall flushes. He’s actually run out of jokes to tell. “Thanks, Haz. That means a lot.”

“Haz? I like it.” he gets out and opens the door for Niall. “Dinner, my dear sir?”

“Oh my, I guess chivalry really does exist.” Niall croons putting his hand to his chest.

“It has it’s moments.” Harry says as he extends his hand for the boy. “You have to let me record you some time. That way I always have your beautiful voice, even if you aren’t… Around.”

Niall sighs melodramatically. “I hate being recorded, but when you put it that way I might do it.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Harry says as he leads Niall inside.”Are you going to the meeting tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m going. They might miss me too much if I don’t.” Niall shoots him a cheeky smile.

Harry nods. “Just a fair warning, Ashton won’t be there.”

Niall nods in understanding. “How’s Luke dealing with the whole thing?”

“He’s… Well, he won’t be there tomorrow. He has to make funeral arrangements. Last time I saw him he was pretty much incoherent.” Harry says as they’re lead to their table.

Niall takes his seat in the unoccupied booth. “Ashton was ready to go. At least he doesn’t have cancer anymore.”

“I’m noticing that my patients get to this point where they just give up and death becomes a relief.” Harry says sadly. He slides into the opposite side of the booth and sighs. “I want to just slap them and scream at them, but I don’t know what they’re going through so I can’t justify their decision.”

“It’s not giving up. It’s accepting that the battle has been lost. Do you know the story about the three hundred Spartan warriors who fought twenty thousand soldiers in the battle of Thermopylae? They knew they were going to lose, they fought, but the entire time they fought they knew they had no chance. They accepted it and when they finally were all killed off, they welcomed death. Nothing is more honourable than dying in a battle. So you can call Ashton and Josh and everyone after them fallen heroes.”

Harry smiles lightly. “You always have a brighter outlook than I do. I love that”

Niall laughs. “You’re always calling me a pessimist! How do I have a bright outlook?”

“You always word things so that they sound nice.” The doctor shrugs and looks at his menu. “I’ve never had Thai before.”

“I haven’t either. Let’s get one of everyone.” Niall jokes looking through the menu.

Curls bounce lightly as Harry laughs. “If that’s what you want, order it.”

“Wait, you’re serious? I was only joking.” Niall’s cheeks turn pink.

“Go for it. I’m paying, babe, and I really could care less as long as you’re happy,” Harry says with a shrug.

“Well then one of everything it is.” Niall grins leaning forward, placing his chin in his hands.

“So you wanted to be a singer? What do you actually do?” Harry says as he waves a waiter over.

“What do you mean?” Niall asks sipping at his water.

“What’s your job? I mean, I know your insurance is excellent. What company has that great care?” Harry shrugs curiously.

“I don’t work any more. I used to own my own music shop. I gave lessons to little kids.” Niall misses that the most.

The doctor frowns and is about to question when a waitress comes up to take their order. He looks to Niall, wondering if the boy is actually going to order on of everything.

Niall looks at Harry, then the girl. “I’ll order whatever you recommend.”

The girl shrugs and writes something on the pad of paper in her hand. “I’ll surprise you. And you, sir?”

“I’ll have what he’s having.” Harry says with a smile.

Niall grins, squeezing Harry’s hand across the table. “Thanks for bringing me here. It means a lot.”

“I just want you happy. You deserve the world, Niall.” Harry says seriously.

Niall beams at him. “I love.. Everything you’ve done for me. You have no idea.”

“I know we said we didn’t want to start something only for it to end badly, but I think we’ve already started.” Harry says quietly.

“I can stop if you want me to.” Niall’s voice is small as he talks.

“I’d rather you didn’t. I really like what we have.” Harry says and takes his hand back and plays with the straw paper nervously.

“I do too. I just don’t want you to be sad after I’m gone.” Hs parents and brother will already have to go through it.

Harry stares down at the table. “It would be hard, no question, but I know that I would throw myself into my work and that quite possibly could save someone else’s life.”

Niall nods, leaning all the way over to kiss him. “As long as you want to. That’s all that matters.”

Harry smiles brightly. “I really am happy that we decided to try this.” He kisses the boy softly. “I will warn you that if you end up in the hospital again, they won’t let you be my patient if they find out about us.”

“I know. We’ll keep this a secret. I don’t really mind.” Niall sighs happily when he sees the food.

Their food is set on the table and it looks absolutely delicious. “I’m sorry we can’t tell anyone. I’m sure support group won’t care, but that’s up to you.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Don’t apologise. I’m alright with it being a secret. Trust me.”

Harry looks relieved. “I love… My job. I meet so many great people. And look, I met you.”

“And I guess my cancer gave me something I wanted.” Niall laughs, picking up a fork.

They eat and converse before Harry picks up the check. “Do you want to do anything else tonight? I mean, I don’t have anything to do tomorrow until the support group.”

“Let me finish this glass of wine. Then we’ll head back to your place?” Niall bats his eyelashes.

Harry’s eyes widen and a small smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. “If that’s what you want.”

“I have a month. I don’t have all day to wait.” Niall stands, popping his back, yawning.

Harry quickly gets up and grabs Niall’s elbow softly and leads him out of the restaurant. “My place you say?”

“Your place is what I said.” Niall squeezes Harry’s fingers kissing the very corner of his mouth.

Harry smiles and opens the blond’s door for him. “Your chariot, my wonderful date.”

Niall laughs, buckling himself up. “I seriously doubt an Audi is much of a chariot.”

“My chariot of choice.” Harry says with a small smile. He turns the engine on and shifts the car into gear before pulling out into traffic. He holds his hand, palm up, on the centre console so Niall can take it if he wanted to.

Niall does, holding his hand close to his body and feeling safe for the first time.

\------------

Liam smiles brightly at the few who are there. “Hi, guys. So great for all of you to be back. Zayn, I’m glad you got your boyfriend to join us today.”

“Considering I was bored at staring at the bedroom wall? Not a huge accomplishment.” Louis’ eyes roll and he crosses his arms in front of himself.

Ed looks around. “I remember when there were like twelve of us. Now it’s down to three.”

Niall shrugs. “People come and go, people live and die. We can’t help what happens.”

Harry nods and holds Niall close. “You just have to accept it sometimes. Everyone else might tell you to fight day and night, but that’s exhausting.”

Louis keeps quiet. He’s not really sure he should be talking since it’s his first meeting.

Niall nudges his nose along Harry’s jaw. “You just have to do what you can to spend your last moment on Earth with someone who matters.”

Liam eyes the two conspiratorially. “Even if that someone is your oncologist?” He smiles lightly, happy that they’ve seemed to get over the awkward with each other.

Harry blushes and ducks his head. He nods happily though and kisses at the blond’s jaw. “Especially if you fall for a patient.”

Niall blushes looking away. “It shouldn’t matter who it’s between.”

Louis smiles and looks up at Zayn. “Trust me, it shouldn’t matter. People will talk though and you just have to fight through it.”

Liam looks to Ed, suddenly feeling like a topic change is needed since the boy is alone at these meetings. “So how is everyone doing with treatment?”

Ed laughs. “Niall and I aren’t getting any treatment. I don’t think you can say much.”

Louis shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Harry frowns. “I have one patient who decided three back to back chemo sessions was a good idea.”

Niall laughs at that. “Stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. Sure, do that if you want to spend the other four days lying around tossing your cookies.”

Louis shrinks further in on himself. Maybe he should’ve listened to his doctor.

Harry nods. “I finally convinced him to do every other day. He’s really invested in his work.”

“Well that’s good. At least you got the guy to change his mind.” Niall shrugs.

Harry nods once more. “I guess. I just can’t figure out why it’s so important to keep up with work. I mean, you have cancer. I‘m pretty sure your boss will understand.”

Zayn frowns. “You know, I don’t want to sit here when you’re going to talk about Louis in front of him and not even fucking acknowledge him.”

“Look, this is cathartic for me. You have to realise he’s not going about this the smart way.” Harry says with a huff.

“Then say it to him! Stop mentioning it when he’s right fucking here!” Zayn stands up, offering his hand to Louis. “Come on. I don’t think we need to be here. It’s damaging more than helping.”

Louis swallows and looks at the ground. “It’s fine, Zayn. I need to know how stupid I’ve been about my decisions.”

“No! It can be done in private and addressed to you. It pisses me off.” And it really does.

Louis continues to look at the ground, but gives Zayn his hand. “Okay. I’m not feeling my best anyway.”

“We can go lie down then.” Zayn heads off with Louis in tow.

Liam waits till they’re gone before sighing. “Luke asked me to pass on the funeral arrangements for Ashton. Tomorrow at noon at the church across the street.”

Niall nods his head. “I’ll be there. I know he doesn’t have a lot of relatives or friends.”

“If I can get someone to cover my shift, I’ll be there.” Harry agrees. “I have a chemo appointment at five thirty in the morning and the rest is just rounds.”

Ed smiles. “I don’t have anything planned so I can come. Maybe I’ll bring some friends to honour him.”

Liam smiles. “I think that’ll be nice. I guess we should just end for today.”

Niall gets up, arms stretched above his head. “I’m so exhausted. I need sleep.”

Harry stands and wraps an arm around Niall’s waist. “We’ll see you tomorrow. I have to get back to work.”

Everyone slowly trickles out, turning off the light.

\------------

Louis is in his office at home staring at the spreadsheets on his computer. He can’t find the error his boss is talking about. With a heavy sigh, he picks up his phone and dials the office. “Hey, Eleanor. Can you put me through to Mister Cowell’s office please?”

“Of course.” Eleanor says pressing a few buttons.

“Hello. Mister Cowell’s office.” Simon answers gruffly.

“Simon, it’s Louis. I’m looking over the file you sent me, but I can’t find the error.” Louis says with a frown. He’s checked the spreadsheet at least twenty times.

“Mister Tomlinson, I think you need to stop working from home. You would never make an error from here.” Simon sighs.

Louis frowns as the words coming from the phone. “With all due respect, sir, I can’t. It’s not my decision. Trust me, I would prefer to be in the office, but my oncologist won’t allow me.”

“I may have to demote you then.” Simon says it a bit flippantly.

“No, no, no, no! I’ll be there! Uh, I can come in right now or tomorrow. Whatever is better for you, sir.” Louis says as he tries to make sure Zayn isn’t able to hear him.

“Tomorrow is fine. Now fix that spreadsheet.” Simon hangs up after that.

Louis sighs and puts his phone back on the charger. He gets up and heads towards the kitchen deciding he needed some tea. He spots his boyfriend there and rests his head between the boy’s shoulder blades. “You want some tea? I definitely need one after staring at paperwork for so long.”

Zayn reaches his hand back to rub at his hip. “Yeah, I could go for some tea.”

Louis sets to work, filling the kettle and getting the cups ready the way they each like them “I have to go into the office tomorrow.”

Zayn frowns. “You’re not doing that. Sorry, you’re staying home. I start work tomorrow.”

“I have to. I need to grab a few files and then Simon wants me in the office more. He’s talking demotion, Zayn. After a demotion come extermination.” Louis doesn’t want that to happen. “And when did you get a job? I thought you weren’t getting one.”

“We need money and you need to stay home.” Zayn narrows his eyes.

Louis pouts. “One day in the office. That’s all I need.”

“No.” Zayn isn’t going to have this conversation because it’ll turn into one more day, one more day, one more day.

Louis moves around and prepares their tea once the kettle starts to screech at him. “Babe, I need to go grab these files. It’ll take two hours tops. I promise.”

Zayn narrows his eyes. “What time are you going in then?”

“How about ten? That sound fair?” Louis asks. He can’t believe Zayn is considering this.

“Ten in the morning?” Zayn asks turning towards him.

“No, ten at night when Mister Cowell isn’t there to call me into a meeting.” Louis says sarcastically.

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Well, that’s perfect. I work the night shift! You go at ten and I’ll pick you up at twelve. It’ll only take you two hours.”

“Babe, I’m joking. I’m going in at ten in the morning. And I can drive myself.” Louis says getting irritable at this point.

“Nah, I’ll pick you up. You’re only getting files after all.” Zayn isn’t actually going to let him go to work.

Louis sighs heavily. “It’s fine. You’ll need your sleep after your shift, love. Just trust me.”

“No, I don’t think I will. I’ll see you at noon.” Zayn calls over his shoulder heading to the living room.

\------------

Louis has all the files he needs. All he has to do now is go see Simon. He only has five minutes til Zayn is here, but he’s sure the boy would understand if he’s a bit late. “Mister Cowell? I want to talk about yesterday’s spreadsheet.” He says sheepishly as he knocks on the open door.

Simon looks up, folding his hands. “And what is it, Mister Tomlinson?”

“I’ve looked over that spreadsheet a hundred and one times, sir. I still can’t find the error. Are you sure there is one?” Louis asks, stepping into the office so the conversation could be a bit more private.

“Of course I’m sure! Do I look like a fool?” Simon asks offended.

“No, sir! I just… I can’t find it anywhere.” Louis says trying to backtrack. He didn’t mean to insult his boss.

Simon roll his eyes. “If you’re not calling me a fool then you should find a mistake. It’s obvious.”

Louis looks at the clock on the wall seeing that it was exactly noon. A few minutes wouldn’t hurt. “Sir, maybe it’s so obvious that I’m just missing it. I can pull it up if you’ll point it out for me.”

Simon looks at him, irritated. “I thought you became a manager because you were capable. Maybe I’m wrong.”

Louis nods his head fiercely. “I am capable! I just can’t find it. I had Eleanor look over it and she can’t find it either. What are we missing?”

Simon is about to answer when Eleanor opens the door, a bit embarrassed. “Louis, uh, your boyfriend is here.”

“Tell him to wait.” Louis says without looking up. “You were saying, Mister Cowell?”

The man glares. “Find the problem, Tomlinson. And Miss Calder isn’t a manager like you.”

Louis looks over at the door and can see an angry Zayn, but he really can’t let this go. “Sir, I’ve never had an error in my spreadsheets. I promise you that there is none.”

Finally, Zayn can’t take it. He pushes the door open. “Louis, I thought you were picking up files!”

“Zayn, not now.” Louis says harshly, glaring over at his boyfriend.

Zayn glares back. “You can’t be at work! You have cancer!”  
Louis completely ignores the male and turns back to his boss. “Mister Cowell, all I ask is that you take a look at those numbers again. I promise that there was no error.”

“Louis!” Zayn shouts, grabbing at his arm.

Simon finally stands in frustration. “First you imply that I am a fool and now your boyfriend comes in and cause a scene? I think you need to leave, Mister Tomlinson.”

“No! Zayn, wait in the damn hall!” Louis hisses as he tries to wrench his arm free. In doing so, the files he had procured go flying about the room. Sensitive documents scatter about the floor as Louis stares at them in horror. “Shit. Oh god.”

Simon glares angrily. “Get out! You’re fired!”

Louis freezes at the word. He can’t hear anything over the rush of blood in his ears. He knows he must of gone pale because his skin is now cold and clammy. Zayn’s tugging on his elbow is what finally gets him to move out into the hall. He can feel the tears welling up. “Why didn’t you just wait in the damn car?”

Zayn groans. “I didn’t think that would happen. I didn’t know he would do that.”

Louis grabs at his hair in frustration. He frowns though when something doesn’t feel right. He brings his hand down and starts to sob.

There’s a giant clump of hair in his hand.

Zayn gasps and wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him close. “Hey, it’s alright. I promise.”

“Just take me home. Please. I can’t…” Louis sobs into Zayn’s chest.

Zayn leads Louis out and when they get home, he draws him a bath and gives him a glass of wine.

Louis swirls the water around him and downs his wine quickly. He shuts his eyes and thinks. “Can we just shave it all off? It would be easier to deal with.”

Zayn nods his head. “Yeah, of course. Just… Let me do mine.” He uses the scissors in the drawer to start cutting his hair first.

“What are you doing? Zayn! You love your hair! Stop!” Louis watches in horror as Zayn continues to shear off his gorgeous hair.

“It’s just hair, it’s just hair.” Once it’s short, he turns the razor on and begins to cut until his head is shaved. He turns to look at Louis. “Just hair.”

Louis looks at him in awe. “But you love your hair. Why would you do that? You’re not the one who’s losing it?”

“I saw the way you were sobbing earlier.” Zayn leans over to kiss him.

Louis kisses him back, bringing a hand up to feel at the skin of Zayn’s scalp. It’s weird, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he likes it. He recognises that Zayn did this for him.

“I love you,” Zayn murmurs kissing him a little harder.

“I love you too.” Louis says as he pulls back. He looks up at his boyfriend, a small smile on his face. “Can you shave my hair off for me?”

“Of course.” Zayn kisses Louis’ temple, beginning to shave his head.

Louis closes his eyes tightly, not able to watch his hair fall to the ground. This is better, he knows, but it’s still absolutely horrible. He’s crying, trying his best not to shake. The buzz of the razors is all he can hear and his hair hitting his shoulders on their way to the floor is all he can feel. “Th-thank you, babe. I’m sorry I yelled at you in the office.”

“No, I shouldn’t have stormed in like that. It’s alright. I love you; I hope you know that.” Zayn kisses his shoulder blade.”

Louis tips his head back and opens his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. “I know. I love you too. You have to be exhausted after working the night shift. Maybe we can just curl up and take a nap together?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Zayn smiles, rubbing at Louis’ scalp.

Louis sits forward and starts to drain the tub of water. He carefully gets up and gets out. “I can’t believe I lost my job,” he whispers.

“Hey! We came home to relax so you wouldn’t think about that.” Zayn kisses Louis, licking some of the water off his neck.

Louis smiles softly. “I don’t know if I can forget about that. It was such a great job. Great pay, great people, amazing insurance…” He wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck and sags against him. “Carry me?”

Zayn laughs. Carefully, he picks him up carrying him towards their bedroom.

\------------

Niall is sitting in his dorm typing a research paper on his laptop. Since he quit chemo he's been able to return to college feeling better than he has in the past few years. He turns to his roommate, Sean. "My boyfriend is going to come over just letting you know."

"Boyfriend? Oh la la! Someone's been getting laid." Sean chuckles from his bed where he's currently trying to read a textbook.

"Yeah, two nights ago. My arse is still sore." Niall laughs lightly.

Before Sean can respond, there's a knock on the door before it's opened slightly. "Niall?"

Niall looks up grinning. "Hey, babe. We were just talking about you."

Harry smiles, coming into the room completely. "All good things I hope." He pulls Niall against him, kissing him deeply. "Hello, love."

"Just talking about how sore I am." Niall shrugs like it's nothing.

Harry frowns. "Sore? I didn't even go that rough or anything." He gently rubs his hand down the blond's back, wincing as he can practically feel his spine through the skin. "You need to eat more, babe."

"Have you seen how much I eat? It's not my fault I toss my cookies." Niall leans back into the touch.

Harry winces at the reminder. "Have you been feeling okay? I'm worried about you." He doesn't want to come off as controlling or anything, but this really hurts- watching him slip away.

"I feel alright. I even went to my classes today." Niall hopes that's reassuring enough.

The brunet looks over the boy in concern, but he knows that Niall won't let him see him like that. "Okay. Promise me you'll tell me if you feel sick or anything."

"Yeah, I will. Besides it's not exactly easy to hide." At least it hasn't been easy lately.

"Especially when your boyfriend is a doctor and knows the symptoms?" Harry says with a small smirk.

Sean clears his throat. "Are you two staying here or leaving? Because I have a test to study for."

Niall bites his lip looking back towards Harry. "Uh, I'm not sure. What are we doing?"

"Why don't we go grab something to eat and let him study. Sound good?" Harry says as he grabs Niall's coat from the post of his bed where he hangs it.

"Yeah, that sounds fine." Niall stands setting his laptop on his bed.

Harry waits for him to steady himself before holding out his hand for him. "What are you in the mood for? Thai?" His eyes shine with remembrance of their first date.

Niall shakes his head. "I'm not that hungry honestly. Maybe just a cafe."

"That's... Fine." He wants to argue that that's not enough food, but he has to remember that he's not a doctor here. He's just a boyfriend. "Yeah, that'll work."

"Then let's go." Niall grabs his room key heading out into the hallway.

Sean calls a good bye and urges protection as the door shuts.

"So how were classes? I'm still floored that you want to go back to school." Harry says happily as they head down the dormitory stairs.

"Music theory is a great major." Niall reminds him holding the door that led outside.

Harry smiles and waits him to exit the building as well. "Never said it wasn't. Just surprised you wanted to go back when there's so much you could be doing."

"I guess I like being around people. Well, certain people." Niall kisses Harry's cheek lacing their fingers together.

"Hope I'm one of them and you aren't just humouring me." Harry says with a laugh, but he's semi serious. He leads them to a café just off campus and enters inside the warm building. "What do you want, babe?"

"Of course I like you! And I'll take some hot chocolate." He scans the menu as he talks.

"What do you want to eat?" Harry says as he takes of his wool trench coat and blue scarf. He's still looking at Niall expectantly.

"I'm not hungry. Lost my appetite on the way over here." Niall feels a tiny bit nauseous actually.

Harry frowns, but knows Niall well enough. He'll just get the boy a muffin or something. He leans over, pressing a kiss to the blond hair that manage to grow back and Niall dyed. "Okay. Take my jacket and go sit down."

"Alright." Niall grabs the dark grey jacket finding a small table near the back.

It takes Harry a good thirty minutes to get through the line and get their drinks and food. He spots Niall though and smiles as he brings everything over. "A hot chocolate and an apple cinnamon muffin for you and a pumpkin latte and pumpkin muffin for me."

Niall looks up. He feels terrible now. His stomach knots horribly at the strong smell of coffee and sugar, sweat starting to coat his skin.

The green eyed boy frowns at the pale colour of his boyfriend's face. "Niall? Babe, are you okay?"

"It's really hot in here. I'll be fine I promise." Niall takes a bite of his muffin to prove it.

You're not a doctor here. Harry says to himself. He smiles lightly and sips at his latte. "Okay. Just making sure." He rips a chunk of his muffin off and eats it as well.

Niall has trouble swallowing the food and his hot chocolate burns his throat way more than it should.

Harry watches as the blond continues to look to be in discomfort. He can't help it. "Niall, as a doctor, how are you feeling?"

"I don't feel that well." Right at that moment, Niall jumps to his feet swaying. He tries putting a hand over his mouth, but he ends up vomiting all over the floor and the edge of the table.

The doctor side in Harry kicks in. "Niall!" He’s by his side in an instant, holding him tightly and trying to gather their coats and everything. "Someone call an ambulance! Quick!"

Niall falls onto his knees, holding his stomach. He feels so light-headed and sick, so sick.

Harry is right there with him, pulling him back from landing in his own vomit. "Hold on, Niall, okay? Hold on, love. Hold on."

Niall is so fucking pale and he's sweating. "It hurts, Harry! I feel like I'm fucking burning from the inside."

"It's going to be okay. Maybe your appendix burst, easy fix." He won't entertain the idea that this is it. This is not how it'll end.

The paramedics arrive and quickly assess the situation. They get Niall on stretcher and strap him in, allowing Harry to ride with him.

Niall's trying not to move even though his stomach really, really hurts. "Harry, please! Please, fuck."

"What, baby? What do you want? Tell me how to fix you." Harry is crying, squeezing the boy's hand tightly.

"I don't know! Just fucking make the pain go away!" Niall groans closing his eyes.

Harry nods, trying to think. "Morphine. Gives him a dose of morphine. Trust me, I'm a doctor." He says to the paramedics.

Niall watches as the needle goes into the bend of his arm. "Harry, I love you."

"It's just morphine, love." Harry says with a strained laugh. He has tears falling down his face as he watches the boy on the stretcher.

"No, I just mean that I love you." Niall tries smiling, but it's hard to.

The doctor looks at the blond and cries harder. "I love you too. So, so much. I know I said that this is what I wanted, but I can't lose you."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm really sorry." Niall knows he can't fight it any longer.

"No. Stop it. That's what you say when there's nothing else to say. You're not leaving me, not yet." Harry leans over, kissing the blond. He needs him. He can't just give up.

"Harry, I'm going to die. I can feel it. You know you can feel death? You can feel it." Niall groans.

The ambulance stops and the doors are thrown open.

Harry surges forward for one last kiss. "I love you. I'll see you when you come out, I promise. I love you."

Niall only blows him a kiss as the paramedics take him away.

\------------

"What do you mean he has no more insurance! Are you guys fucking kidding me?" Zayn glares at the nurses sitting behind the reception desk.

The nurse sighs. She hates this. "When Mister Tomlinson quit his job, he lost his insurance. He either doesn't go in for treatment or pays the entirety out of pocket."

"We can't afford it! Can't you assholes do anything?" Zayn's voice is getting increasingly louder and louder.

"The only other option is to bill you later, but if he dies before they're paid off the collection unit will stop at nothing until they get their money."

"We can't afford anything! Are you not listening?" Zayn's face is bright red now.

The nurse looks down at her desk. "I'm sorry, Mister Malik. That's the only options."

"Fuck all of you!" Zayn breaks down into sobs storming back towards Louis.

Louis swallows the lump in his throat as he stands. "Babe, it's okay. It'll be fine. I'll be okay."

"No, it's not okay! You're not okay!" Zayn hugs Louis close to his chest.

Louis holds him tight, worrying about the future. "It'll be okay. I'll look for a job and everything will be fine. I won't be sick from chemo so I can actually work again."

"But you need chemo! You're not cancer free!" He storms out of the hospital in anger.

Louis follows as fast as he can. He manages to grab Zayn's wrist and pull him close. "It's going to be okay. I may not be cancer free, but at least I know you'll be with me until... Yeah."

Zayn shakes his head glaring. "Don't talk about that! I don't want to talk about that!"

"We have to talk about it. It's a big possibility now." Louis says, looking down at his hands.

"We're not talking about it." Zayn snaps getting into the driver's seat.

Louis climbs into the passenger seat and stares at his shoes. "What else is there to talk about?"

"The weather, let's talk about the weather. It's pretty nice." Zayn stares out the windshield towards the sunny blue sky.

"Zayn..." Louis says quietly. "You realise that we can't avoid this forever, right?"

"We can avoid it now." Zayn says turning the radio on.

Louis shifts in his seat. He feels like there is so much distance between them even though they're right next to each other. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any if this to happen. If only I hadn't gone to the doctor’s that day..."

"Louis, stop. It isn't your fault." Zayn sighs trying to listen to the song on- The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll.

The brunet holds back the tears. "Zayn, I'm going to die. Maybe not in a week, but a lot sooner than I thought I would. I just don't... I love you, you know that, right?" He can feel the tears, trailing down his face. He's never thought about dying so young.

"I love you so much." Zayn sighs, wiping away some of his tears.

\------------

Harry looks up at the clock on the wall of his office realising that Louis was about forty minutes late. He frowns and flips through his book to make sure the male hadn't cancelled.

Nope.

Confused, he reached for his phone and dialled the number listed for the man.

Zayn answers Louis' cell. He's taking a nap and left it downstairs on the sofa anyway. "Hello?"

"Mister Tomlinson? Hi, this is you oncologist, Doctor Styles. I was wondering if you forgot about your appointment this morning." Harry says in a professional manner. You wouldn't know he had to bury his boyfriend two days ago.

"Oh no, this is his boyfriend- Zayn. Look, he got fired from his job because he was taking too much time off for chemo and he lost his insurance so we can't even cover chemo anyway."

Harry frowns. "Mister Malik, was it? I don't know about Louis, but I can tell you first hand that cancer cannot be left untreated. Let me see what I can do from my end. Give me a second, okay?"

"There's nothing we can do." Zayn sighs closing his eyes.

"Listen to me very carefully. I have a four hour shift break scheduled for one this afternoon. I'm going to grab everything I need and make a house call." Harry says quietly. "I'm going to turn your house into a chemo treatment place. It'll be best if there's a guest bedroom or something."

Zayn bites into his lip. "We actually own a guest bedroom if you must know."

"Great. Have Louis settled in comfortably there around one thirty." Harry looks at the picture of his now deceased boyfriend. He can't let anyone else go through that. "Zayn, you realise that no one can know what's going on, right?"

"I figured. I won't say a thing." He looks towards the staircase knowing Louis is up there.

"Fill Louis in, I have to go. See you later today, Mister Malik." The phone clicks as Harry ends the call.

Zayn heads upstairs kissing Louis' temple and shaking him awake.

"Five more minutes, baby." Louis mumbles as he turns over in their bed.

"No, baby, I really need you to wake up. It's important." Zayn kisses him again.

Louis huffs and kisses at Zayn's mouth. "What? I'm really tired, love."

"Doctor Styles is going to come over." Zayn murmurs.

"For what?" Louis is awake now. He sits up slowly, letting Zayn move back so he doesn't accidentally knock into him. "What the hell does he want?"

"He wants to help us. He's going to sneak some things over to give you chemo here." Zayn is a bit nervous he won't lie to himself.

Louis frowns. "Why would he do that? Thought he didn't much like me." He stretches and winces as his bones feel stiff and fragile.

"I don't know he didn't say." Zayn starts massaging his arms where Louis usually ached.

The brunet just hums at his boyfriend’s touch in any way that he can. He lets his eyes slip shut and enjoy the touch of Zayn once more. "You know, I feel like since this whole thing started, we've barely been the lovey couple we usually are."

"I think we're still very lovey if you ask me." He didn't think they stopped.

Louis frowns, "maybe lovey isn't the right word. Intimate perhaps?"

Zayn realizes what he's getting at. "Well sorry. I just didn't think you'd be comfortable with that."

"Babe, I want you twenty four-seven. Dying or not, I'll always want you." Louis says a bit breathlessly.

"Do you want me to fuck you then?" Zayn smirks softly tenderly kissing his shoulder.

Louis tilts his head, baring his neck for the man. "Yes. I will always want you."

Zayn trails his hands down his chest, kissing everywhere. Louis wants Zayn to fuck him so he will.

\------------

Harry easily finds the address on file for Louis and stares up at the house. It's a bit on the large side, but with Louis' job they could afford it. He wonders if they could afford it now. Shaking his head, he grabs everything he needs and heads up to the front door. Nervously, he rings the doorbell. He's never made a house call before.

Zayn is the one who answers. He smiles softly stepping away to allow Harry inside and to where Louis is. "Pardon me, but why are you doing this for us?"

Harry swallows the lump in his throat. "I just lost my boyfriend to cancer and I don't think anyone should have to watch that happen." He says quietly. He wasn't doing this for Louis as much as he was for Zayn.

Zayn is quiet sitting next to Louis. "I'm sorry to hear that. He was that Irish lad right?"

"Yeah." Harry sets to work setting up everything he needed. He did his best with what he had and soon enough, he was starting treatment.

He steps out and motions for Zayn to follow. Once in the hall, he closes the door quietly. "He hates people watching him during treatment."

"Oh. Alright." Zayn takes a seat staring intently at the door in front of him.

It's a tense atmosphere and Harry feels so uncomfortable. "So what's this job you said you were going to get?"

Zayn looks up. "I just take calls at a dentist’s clinic. Nothing special, nothing that pays particularly well I should say."

"Better than nothing in this economy." The doctor says quietly. "Um, I should apologise for happened at the last support group."

"I think we both forgot about that. We have more to worry about then a few things said at a meeting." Zayn sighs closing his eyes.

Harry nods. "Makes sense. I just thought you should know that I was sorry." He wrings his hands nervously.

Zayn sends him a weak smile. "Well it's appreciated, everything you're doing. What was it like to watch him die?"

"Heartbreaking... I never want to watch anyone go through that again. It's worse being a doctor because you know exactly what's happening. You know that he's going to die and you just can do nothing to stop it." Harry says quietly.

Zayn sighs covering his face with his hands. "I don't want to go through with it either."

The doctor smiles sadly. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll be there to try to stop it at all cost."

"You really don't have to do that, but I mean I'm extremely thankful that you are."

Harry smiles softly and looks at the clock. "He should be done about now. I'm going to check on him. You can wait by the door so he's comfortable."

"Yeah, no problem." He sighs leaning back against the wall.

Harry heads in and starts to unhook Louis. "How are we feeling, Mister Tomlinson?"

Louis frowns and rubs at his eyes. "Like my insides are going to come out my mouth."

Zayn waits by the door waving to Louis. "Hey, beautiful. Do you need anything?"

Louis looks up with a pained expression. "Just want to be held when this is all over."

Harry clears everything and and starts to pack everything up. "I'll do what I can to be sure to get more supplies. I'll call when I'm able to get more."

"Can I hold him now?" Zayn knows Louis could really use it.

"Just need to grab a quick blood sample and then he's all yours." Harry says grabbing the syringe.

Zayn turns around. He absolutely hates the sight of blood. It always leaves him feeling sick.

Harry quickly gets what he needs and turns away to label the vial. "He should be set. I'll run the analysis and let you know what it comes back."

Louis nods as best he can and looks over to his boyfriend. "Thanks, Harry."

Zayn sits on the bed, hesitantly looking towards him. "Stupid question, but how are you feeling?"

"Like shit and like I need to be in your arms." Louis day weakly. He smiles sheepishly, feeling incredibly stupid for sounding so needy.

Zayn smiles back, if not more weakly, enveloping Louis' thin frame. "Better?"

Louis nods softly, burying his face in Zayn's chest. "I hate this. I hate this so much."

Harry quietly leaves the room, only to reappear with a trash can. He sets it next to the bed and makes to leave.

"Hey!" Zayn calls looking towards Harry. "Thank you."

Harry smiles softly. "No problem." He heads out.

Louis nuzzles into Zayn's chest. "Why does he suddenly care?"

Zayn sighs kissing Louis' forehead. "His boyfriend died a few days ago. That blond kid from support group."

"Oh," Louis says quietly. "That's... Not what I expected. The blond was always the nice one."

Zayn chuckles. "There were only three people other than us."

Louis is quiet for a second before laughing hysterically into his boyfriend's chest. "Oh, god. There really wasn't many people were there?"

Zayn nods his head. "A lot of people die. Well... Everyone dies."

Louis swallows the lump that forms in his throat. "I'm going to die."

"You don't know that. This could work out, Louis. You don't know." Zayn whispers fiercely.

The brunet shifts and looks up at his boyfriend. "Zayn, I love you, but I don't think I'm going to get better."

"You won't if you say shit like that. Stop it." Zayn doesn't want to hear it.

Louis sighs heavily. "Zayn, I don't want to fight, but you have to know that's what's going to happen."

Zayn turns away from Louis staring at the wall. "It won't."

"You can't keep running from this." Louis says softly as he coughs harshly into his hand.

"You're going to be fine stop arguing with me on this."

Louis stops arguing, but only because he can't stop coughing. He doesn't know how Zayn can ignore the obvious.

Zayn sighs and takes Louis back in his arms, rubbing at his back. Louis will be okay.

\------------

Louis is curled up in a blanket on the couch. He can't remember the last time he ate a proper meal without throwing it back up.

It's been six months since the whole chemo process started, five months since he lost his job. He feels horrible knowing that Zayn hasn't had time to work on his art since he's had to work. He gets a sad smile on his face. "Zayn?" He calls with a hoarse sounding voice

Zayn comes from the kitchen holding a cup of steaming hot tea just for Louis. "Hey, babe. I'm right here."

"Can you do me a favour?" The brunet struggles into a sitting position and happily takes the tea from his boyfriend.

"What is it?" Zayn kneels in front of his boyfriend, tenderly kissing him.

Louis lets himself get lost in the kiss for a moment or two before pulling back. "Can you draw me? I miss looking at your art."

Zayn raises an eyebrow. "You want me to draw you like Jack drew Rose?"

"Will it have the same outcome? I mean, I know I've dropped a lot of weight and I look like a five year old could snap me in half, but if you'll still have me..." Louis says cheekily. He knows that they've pretty much put a ban on sex since Harry said it could possibly put him through too much for one day, but he still likes to joke around about it.

Zayn just rolls his eyes and laughs leaving the room. When he comes back he has his sketchbook and charcoals. "Pose for me, beautiful."

Louis pushes the blanket down so it's pooled around his waist. "How do you want me? Relaxed? Suggestive?"

"However you want to be posed." Zayn sets himself up in the armchair flipping to the first page.

The brunet frowns and thinks before laying back and actually posing like Kate Winslet did, except he's clothed and his lower half is covered with a blanket. "Good enough for you, love?"

Zayn grins. "It's perfect. You're perfect." He watches him carefully using the very edge to start sketching out a line for the curve of his back.

Louis smiles softly, eyes taking over his boyfriend as he's drawn. "I love watching you draw. It's so peaceful and you're so concentrated."

"I can't concentrate with you talking." Zayn teases continuing to sketch.

He pouts and looks over at his boyfriend. "So serious, mister artist."

"I thought you wanted a decent picture." Zayn fires back.

"Fine, fine." Louis says with a yawn. He relaxes entirely and ends up falling asleep as Zayn draws him.

It's about an hour later when Zayn gets up to shake Louis awake. "Hey. Babe, I finished."

Louis hums and his brows furrow as he's woken up. "Finished what?" He groggily tries to sit up a little.

"My picture, remember?" Zayn just kisses him. He's so cute when he's confused.

Louis smiles, "can I see it?" He coughs harshly, pulling his hand away from his mouth. He stares in horror at the red speckled hand in front of him. "Z-Zayn?"

Zayn drops the book on the ground. "Shit! Shit, let me call Harry!"

Louis is quickly sobbing, unsure of what's happening. He just ends up coughing more and more, blood spraying from his mouth with each exhale. "I don't think there's time for Harry."

"Fuck! Ambulance!" Zayn just grabs his phone dialing the emergency number.

A pleasant woman's voice greets him. "Nine-nine-nine, what's your emergency?"

"My boyfriend! He has cancer and he's spitting up blood. A lot of blood!" Zayn's getting close to hysterical.

"Sir, what's your location? I'll dispatch an ambulance right away. Just stay on the line with me till they arrive."

Zayn gives the woman everything he can and when he hears the sirens it's a relief.

Louis is fighting to stay awake. He's so tired and just wants to sleep. At the knock on the door, he struggles to sit up. "Zayn, I think... I love you, okay?"

"I love you too. Don't talk like that." He adds answering to the paramedics.

"Sir, we're going to rush him to the hospital. You can follow the ambulance." The paramedic tells Zayn.

Louis is already being lifted onto a stretcher and given an oxygen mask. He looks over to Zayn, scared and small.

"I love you!" It's the last thing Zayn gets to tell him

\------------

Zayn is out of his car the second he gets to the hospital. He tries to calmly get to the reception desk, but he can't. "Hi, hello. My boyfriend Louis just arrived like ten minutes ago. I need to go back."

The nurse checks through the files. She frowns when she gets to the case. "What's your name, sir?"

"Zayn Malik." Zayn can't keep still, he's bouncing way too much to be calm.

"What's your relation to the patient?" She's looking closely at the records, looking for an indication that this man knows Louis.

"I'm his boyfriend. I already told you that." He can't help but hiss.

She looks up at the man, a sad smile in her face. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you see him. You're not family and you're not listed as his emergency contact. You'll have to wait until he's moved from the ICU."

Zayn looks at her in disbelief. "My boyfriend might be... He might be dying and you won't let me see him?"

"I don't make the rules. I just follow them. Unless you’re related or a Miss Eleanor Calder, I can't let you see him." She says with a shrug.

"That's fucking bullshit! Please he might die!" Zayn shouts angrily slamming his fist on the desk.

She furrows her brows. "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. You can go sit down and call one of the people I suggested or you can leave."

"You're all a bunch of fucking assholes! What if someone you loved had cancer?" Zayn is so beyond reason.

"Sir, I'll tell you one more time. Back off or I'm calling security." She snaps at Zayn.

"Fuck you. Rot in hell!" Zayn storms off and it's not until he's in his car that he breaks down.

Harry is returning from his lunch break (he went to put flowers on Niall's grave) when he sees Zayn storming out. He frowns and follows at a distance before watching the man break down. He quickly makes his way over and knocks on the automobile window. "Hey... You alright?"

Zayn wipes his eyes away. "Louis' in the hospital... It's really bad. Really fucking bad. I can't see him because I'm not family. Can you fucking believe that?"

Harry frowns. "It's bad? Why didn't you call me? What was wrong?"

"I didn't have time! He started spitting up blood. A lot of blood." Zayn shivers.

Harry frowns once more. "Follow me to my office. I can try and get you back to see him."

"Thank you so much. I owe you everything." Zayn climbs out of his car swaying lightly on his feet. He needs Louis.

"You don't owe me anything. Why should you owe me when I couldn't save your boyfriend?" The doctor says as he rolls his shoulders back and steels himself for another death. He quickly heads towards the building once more. "Come on then."

Zayn nods following close behind. "No one tried like you did though."

"I only tried when I lost the one good thing in my life." Harry says quietly. He had been thinking of quitting his job recently. He couldn't stand the dark air that follows his job around.

Zayn sighs. He wishes Harry could see the good he's done.

They make it inside and Harry steers him to the staff entrance until they're in an extremely quiet hall. "Did they tell you where he is?"

"No, I couldn't get much information." He had been too busy yelling.

Harry nods at heads to a computer, typing away quickly. "He's in the ICU, room 738. He's not expected to make it through the night. He's also in a medically induced coma."

Zayn sobs burying his face in his hands. That's not what he wanted to hear.

"Come on. I can show you to his room." The green eyed man says quietly. He doesn't want Zayn to have to go through this.

Zayn tries to clean himself up. He thinks he looks alright to say goodbye to Louis.

Harry makes it to the room and checks Louis' charts. "I'm the oncologist on call so I can make calls about his health. Do you want me to pull him out of the coma so you can have a moment?"

"Will it do anything?" Zayn asks wringing his hands together.

"He'll wake up, but that means he'll probably die faster. The coma is only slowing down the body's process to shut itself down." Harry says clinically. He can't get attached.

Zayn nods jerkily. He expected that. "Let me say bye then. I need to say it."

Harry looks at the ground. "Just sit there in the chair. It'll take thirty minutes for him to become completely coherent. When that happens, call me. I'll give him something for the pain he'll be feeling."

"Alright." Zayn slumps next to Louis resting his forehead on the mattress.

Harry removes the sedative and leaves the room.

Twenty minutes later, Louis groans from his space on the bed. "Zaaaayyyyn! Turn off the light. I want to go to bed."

Zayn's head shoots up. "Lou. Hey, babe, hold on." Instead of calling, he sends Harry a text.

Harry makes it there about ten minutes later. "Oh good. Louis? Can you focus on me for a second?"

The brunette is wincing and breathing heavily. "Harry? Where's Zayn? I need to talk to him? Where's Zayn?"

Harry frowns. "He's right here. Focus, Louis. Do you want morphine for the pain? I need you to focus."

Zayn squeezes Louis' fingers. "Babe, it's Zayn. Would you like morphine so you won't be in pain?"

"Zayn? I need to talk to you." Louis says distractedly.

Harry frowns. "I'm making an executive decision. I'm giving him a shot. It should hopefully calm him down a bit. He won't feel it, but he is dying. You probably have an hour, maybe two."

"Thanks, Harry. What do you want to talk to me about, babe?" Zayn kisses his knuckles.

"I just had the strangest, craziest, and scariest dreams ever." Louis says exasperatedly.

Harry gives him the drugs before stepping out to give them the privacy they needed.

"What happened in them? I want to hear every detail." He feels tears slipping down his cheeks.

"You know that blond Irish guy? He was there. He kept talking to me and asking me how Harry was holding up without him." Louis says as he looks over at his boyfriend's face. "He kept patting my shoulder and telling me that everything was going to be okay and that Harry knew what he was doing." He tries to reach up and wipe away Zayn's tears, but he has no energy for that. "Zayn... I don't even know who he is, but he felt so real."

Zayn closes his eyes. "Harry's boyfriend. He died a couple months ago, remember?"

"D... Died? Why am I talking to dead people?" Louis doesn't like this. He can't think straight, but he knows he doesn't want to think about the implications of that statement.

Zayn kisses him. "You're not crazy. It was a dream, remember? You're not crazy."

Louis frowns. "What was a dream? Zayn, I just want to go home. Can we please go home and just cuddle under the blankets?" The brunet frowns, not really sure what they were talking about anymore.

"We can't baby. You have to stay here, but I'll cuddle you." Zayn gets out of his seat.

Louis yawns and scoots over as best he can to allow Zayn more room. "I'll cook you dinner tomorrow night. A nice home cooked meal, a few romantic candles... It'll be the best damn dinner of your life."

"I look forward to it." Zayn isn't sure how to tell Louis. How to tell him that he's not coming home with Zayn.

Louis coughs into his hand before snuggling up to his boyfriend. "I need to sleep though. I'm really tired."

"Go to bed, babe. I'll always be here when you wake up." Zayn kisses Louis passionately, holding his jaw softly yet firmly.

Louis eagerly returns the kiss. When he pulls back though, he feels a huge hole in his stomach- like he's missing something important. "Night, Zayn. I love you."

"I love you. I love you so fucking much." Zayn whispers cradling Louis' face against his chest.

Louis takes the sentiment in stride and slowly slips into unconsciousness. The machine's monitor his progress until he finally flatlines about an hour and a half later.

Zayn stays there, holding Louis. Even when he's ushered out he doesn't think he'll ever let go.

Harry is there, calling the time of death and looking over at Zayn through the glass. "Nurse, take care of this." He heads into the hallway. "Hey... You going to be okay?"

Zayn looks away. "I... Yeah, I think I'll be alright."

"He seemed a bit... Delusional for a bit there. He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?" Harry asks. When Niall had been in the same situation, the boy had ripped right through Harry's skin at one point because of his delusions.

"No. He just wanted to go home." Zayn looks towards the ceiling. "Maybe he is."

Harry follows his gaze and smiles softly. "Speaking of home, I have an extra room in my flat if you need time. I couldn't be near my bed for a good month after Niall passed."

Zayn nods. "Yeah, that doesn't sound too bad. I could really use a nap."

The doctor grabs his keys from his pocket and holds them out. "I live in 227A Baker Street." His lips twitch. "No, I have never seen Sherlock Holmes in action."

Zayn doesn't get the reference. He takes the keys heading outside. He looks up again. "I love you, Louis."

The wind picks up suddenly, hitting against the darker male like a solid wall. Louis was already causing mischief.


End file.
